At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
