you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
