trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
