He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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