here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
