I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
