we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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