I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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