my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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