Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
