yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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