Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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