I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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