My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
