im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
