fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
