Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
