Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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