I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
