I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
