i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
