Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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