I wish I only lived at night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
