If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
