FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
