Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
