I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
