is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
