ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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