I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone signed my nipple.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
