I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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