My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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