she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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