Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
