If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
