I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
