I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
