I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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