I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
