Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
