This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
