Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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