$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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