Kiss
Puke
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
