I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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