there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
