Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
