God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
