and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
