I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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