This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
