I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
