4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
