Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My pussy is not your playground.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
