That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
