is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
