I think im going to throw up on grandma
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
