addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
