Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
