Don't you send me to vm
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
