Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
