Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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