Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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