Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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