What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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