My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
