she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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