You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
