doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
