my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
